Feb 6, 8:54 PM (MT)
By Kelly Bartram (NWon)

Benson, Ariz. (NWon) - The Nassau West Department of Administration has decided to withhold funding for several Web sites currently financed by the nation. At the present time, Nassau West operates more than ten separate Web domains.

The first site being allowed to expire without renewal will be ShitPits.com, which is maintained by the Nassau West Department of the Interior. This site was designed to give travelers information regarding the rest areas in Arizona. Shortly after launching the site, the Arizona Department of Transportation closed all but three of the State's rest areas, thereby making the site unnecessary. This site will expire February 14, 2010.

The next in line is the long-held SpreadEagleSaloon.com. This site was launched in 2004 in conjunction with the designing, construction, and opening of The Spread Eagle Saloon in the kbartram.com Arena. According to the hit counter, this site is most often found by people searching for graphics of "spread eagle", which the saloon had nothing to do with. This Spread Eagle was all about patriotism. In any event, the saloon was dismantled and removed in 2008 with no plans to bring it back. This novelty domain registration will expire February 27, 2010.

In April, we will lose two photography domains, both linked together as one site. The domains are SeeMyAZ.com and CMyAZ.com. This Web site was envisioned to be a place for photography from users of all things Arizona. Unfortunately, lack of knowledge on how to undertake such an adventure sealed the fate of this project. These domains expire on April 13, 2010.

The last domain on the chopping block for the year is Xochi-Republic.com, which was purchased for The Xochi Republic, a First Unified Council of Kingdoms partner nation. However, they have failed to put forth any effort toward this site since its inception, and it will not be renewed. This domain will finally be put out of its misery on April 19, 2010.

There are a few other domains that may end up being allowed to expire before the end of the year, but those listed above are the only ones known to be ceasing at this time. Although a small cost cutting effort, every little bit helps. All of these domains remain property of KKB Enterprises, Ltd., at the time of this article, and though unlikely, may be renewed if deemed necessary.

A Presidential Visit - Squared

Apr 1, 10:34 PM (PT)
By Kelly Bartram (NWon)

Benson, Ariz. (NWon) - The Nassau West Department of the Interior has announced that this weekend, Nassau West President Kelly K. Bartram and Xochi Republic President Christopher Walsh will be hosting one of Bartram's high school friends, Tawney Bowser-Tumulty at the First Unified Council of Kingdoms (FUCK) headquarters, which happens to also be the Nassau West Benson Embassy.

President Bartram graduated in 1992 from Coronado High School in Scottsdale, AZ, as did Tumulty, but she did so in 1993. President Walsh also graduated in 1993, but from Arcadia High School, also in Scottsdale, AZ. Bartram and Tumulty have not physically seen each other since Bartram's graduation ceremony.

The trio are to meet up about noon at Nassau West International Airport (at the Benson Embassy) on Saturday. From there, after the visitors get settled in, they will head to Tombstone for the rest of the afternoon. President Bartram played tour guide last weekend to NW Fleet Admiral Mike Gearhart and his party last weekend. Evidently, he will do so again this weekend.

On Sunday, the two Presidents and Tumulty will likely visit the Apple Farm Restaurant in Benson for breakfast, before heading to a railroad bridge and Gammons Gulch in the afternoon. At some point on Sunday afternoon, Walsh and Tumulty will return to the Phoenix metro area.

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All of 2008 Tax Refund to Go Toward Bills

Feb 5, 11:11 PM (PT)
By Kelly Bartram (NWon)

Benson, Ariz. (NWon) - The Nassau West Department of the Treasury has announced that all 2008 income tax monies will be remitted to creditors of Nassau West, which breaks a long-standing tradition of at least one "big-ticket" purchase for President Kelly K. Bartram.

Over the years since moving to Benson and opening the Nassau West Capitol in June of 2004, President Bartram has been rewarded rather lavishly during tax season. One year, for instance, he purchased a Kenmore Washer and Dryer, an RCA 52" Widescreen HDTV, and a Panasonic Digital Surround-Sound System. And last year, a $3,000 down payment was applied to the 2008 Toyota Yaris the President utilizes as "Nassau West One".

This year, with the continuing global financial turmoil, Bartram scaled back his requests quite a bit. For his "big ticket" item this year, Bartram requested $200 for a new bicycle and the provisions for it. He provided an estimate of about $193 for the bicycle and equipment, such as safety lighting and a trip computer.

During open discussion with Cabinet members, Bartram was summarily scorned for his desire for a reward during these trying times. He was told by Nassau West Navy 1st Fleet Admiral Mike Gearhart that he "didn't deserve" a reward for anything, as the nation's economy is on the brink of collapse.

By the time the meeting was completed, Bartram decided to forgo his "reward" saying, "Well, I suppose I can get a bike some other time." So, in within the next three weeks, $3,327 should be disbursed to creditors, starting with Wells Fargo Home Mortgage.

When all is said and done, three creditors should be (at least almost) completely paid off, the Benson Embassy should be brought to current, and "Nassau West One" will be current, as well. All good things. Sorry, Mr. President, your bicycle (and the exercise you'd have gotten with it) will have to wait, tubby!

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President Bartram Arrested After Speech

Jan 18, 12:48 AM (PT)
By Kelly Bartram (NWon)

Benson, Ariz. (NWon) - In the early morning hours of Sunday, Nassau West President Kelly K. Bartram was arrested by the Nassau west Sheriff's Department for disorderly conduct - again - upon his exit from a secured zone (the East Room) to go to his master suite.

President Bartram, who seemed to be quite agitated, left the East Room after finishing his press conference, and after having several drinks. Before concluding the speech, Bartram suffered a few setbacks. The webcast was set for 8 PM, but ended up being more than an hour late due to technical difficulties.

Bartram has never been known to be one to embrace excuses for lack of action, and found himself at a loss for words in his present situation. According to eyewitnesses, President Bartram "swore like a sailor" and "basically punched the door (to the East Room) into oblivion".

The speech was finished, a bit behind schedule, but finished nonetheless. Bartram was furious. "This is [expletive]!" he said. "I spent the vast majority of day overseeing all of this to make sure this didn't [expletive] happen!"

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