· A Proud Charter Member of the First Unified Council of Kingdoms (FUCK), 1996-Present ·
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and/or other materials unsuitable for some audiences. So there!
A Presidential Visit - Squared
Apr 1, 10:34 PM (PT) Benson, Ariz. (NWon) - The Nassau West Department of the Interior has announced that this weekend, Nassau West President Kelly K. Bartram and Xochi Republic President Christopher Walsh will be hosting one of Bartram's high school friends, Tawney Bowser Tumulty at the First Unified Council of Kingdoms (FUCK) headquarters, which happens to also be the Nassau West Benson Embassy.
President Bartram graduated in 1992 from Coronado High School in Scottsdale, AZ, as did Tumulty, but she did so in 1993. President Walsh also graduated in 1993, but from Arcadia High School, also in Scottsdale, AZ. Bartram and Tumulty have not physically seen each other since Bartram's graduation ceremony.
The trio are to meet up about noon at Nassau West International Airport (at the Benson Embassy) on Saturday. From there, after the visitors get settled in, they will head to Tombstone for the rest of the afternoon. President Bartram played tour guide last weekend to NW Fleet Admiral Mike Gearhart and his party last weekend. Evidently, he will do so again this weekend.
On Sunday, the two Presidents and Tumulty will likely visit the Apple Farm Restaurant in Benson for breakfast, before heading to a railroad bridge and Gammons Gulch in the afternoon. At some point on Sunday afternoon, Walsh and Tumulty will return to the Phoenix metro area.
All points on the visit are public, and the rough schedule is shown below. No reservations are being taken for any of the events, and they are all on a first come-first served basis. Both Presidents will be available for autographs, and Ms. Tumulty will be as well, if she chooses to be.
Feb 5, 11:11 PM (PT) Benson, Ariz. (NWon) - The Nassau West Department of the Treasury has announced that all 2008 income tax monies will be remitted to creditors of Nassau West, which breaks a long-standing tradition of at least one "big-ticket" purchase for President Kelly K. Bartram.
Over the years since moving to Benson and opening the Nassau West Capitol in June of 2004, President Bartram has been rewarded rather lavishly during tax season. One year, for instance, he purchased a Kenmore Washer and Dryer, an RCA 52" Widescreen HDTV, and a Panasonic Digital Surround-Sound System. And last year, a $3,000 down payment was applied to the 2008 Toyota Yaris the President utilizes as "Nassau West One".
This year, with the continuing global financial turmoil, Bartram scaled back his requests quite a bit. For his "big ticket" item this year, Bartram requested $200 for a new bicycle and the provisions for it. He provided an estimate of about $193 for the bicycle and equipment, such as safety lighting and a trip computer.
During open discussion with Cabinet members, Bartram was summarily scorned for his desire for a reward during these trying times. He was told by Nassau West Navy 1st Fleet Admiral Mike Gearhart that he "didn't deserve" a reward for anything, as the nation's economy is on the brink of collapse.
By the time the meeting was completed, Bartram decided to forgo his "reward" saying, "Well, I suppose I can get a bike some other time." So, in within the next three weeks, $3,327 should be disbursed to creditors, starting with Wells Fargo Home Mortgage.
When all is said and done, three creditors should be (at least almost) completely paid off, the Benson Embassy should be brought to current, and "Nassau West One" will be current, as well. All good things. Sorry, Mr. President, your bicycle (and the exercise you'd have gotten with it) will have to wait, tubby!
Jan 18, 12:48 AM (PT) Benson, Ariz. (NWon) - In the early morning hours of Sunday, Nassau West President Kelly K. Bartram was arrested by the Nassau west Sheriff's Department for disorderly conduct - again - upon his exit from a secured zone (the East Room) to go to his master suite.
President Bartram, who seemed to be quite agitated, left the East Room after finishing his press conference, and after having several drinks. Before concluding the speech, Bartram suffered a few setbacks. The webcast was set for 8 PM, but ended up being more than an hour late due to technical difficulties.
Bartram has never been known to be one to embrace excuses for lack of action, and found himself at a loss for words in his present situation. According to eyewitnesses, President Bartram "swore like a sailor" and "basically punched the door (to the East Room) into oblivion".
The speech was finished, a bit behind schedule, but finished nonetheless. Bartram was furious. "This is [expletive]!" he said. "I spent the vast majority of day overseeing all of this to make sure this didn't [expletive] happen!"
By Kelly Bartram (NWon)
Sat 4/4 12:09 Arrival at NW Int'l Airport Sat 4/4 13:04 Departure to Tombstone Embassy Sat 4/4 19:32 Return to Benson Embassy Sun 4/5 10:17 Breakfast at Apple Farm-Benson Sun 4/5 11:10 Arrival at Train Bridge-Benson Sun 4/5 11:57 Arrival at Gammons Gulch Sun 4/5 14:01 Return to Benson Embassy Sun 4/5 17:03 Departure from NW Int'l Airport
ALL 2008 Income Tax Money to Go Towards Bills
By Kelly Bartram (NWon)
President Bartram Arrested After Speech
By Kelly Bartram (NWon)
Kelly K. Bartram
Nassau West President
1989-Present
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