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Please, Kill Your Turkey!
This holiday season, the Nassau West Department of Health & Human Services would like to ask you to "Please, Kill Your Turkey!"
As with all poultry, turkeys are susceptible to viral contamination. To help ensure that your special feast goes well with no illness to your guests, please be sure to cook, even overcook if need be, your meat products, including fish, but particularly poultry products, mechanically separated or otherwise.
The term "mechanically separated" includes foods like Vienna sausages, bologna, potted meat product, etc., which contain things like mechanically separated chicken, pork, and/or beef. Mechanically separated foods, as the name implies, are made with meats that have been separated by machines, rather than by humans. A slang term for mechanically separated foods is "lips and assholes."
While it is unlikely that one would find lips or ani (plural of anus) in their mechanically separated foods, it is technically a possibility. These foods are also usually high in fat and sodium content, and should generally be avoided in excess when possible.
N e w s B r i e f s
Recently, Nassau West Sheriff Kelly Bartram submitted himself for his U.S. D.O.T. physical examination, and while there, he also got a flu shot and a tetanus shot, which was long overdue.
Bartram was disappointed when he had to "drop trou" so the doctor could determine whether or not Bartram had a hernia, which he did not. However, the fun part was when the doctor said, "Well, that's not the smallest one I've ever seen."
Bartram, after a "little" embarrassment, passed his physical with no problem. Even with the testicular manipulation, he was happy to not have been checked for prostate cancer. This procedure involves the doctor inserting their fist or finger(s) up your ass. Yuck!
Nassau West Department of Health & Human Services, 765 S Catarina St, Benson, AZ 85602, U.S.A.
Tel/Fax: (520) 586-7091 / 24-Hr. Emergencies: (602) 354-6204