Nassau West
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TooToughToDie
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2009 Hangovers Hangover Gustaf UPDATE 2042/18: Hangover Gustaf has continued to pound its victims unmercifully this evening. Gustaf has vastly grown, and is presently classified as a Category 5 Hangover, and is now expected to last through Sunday, while gradually lessening in strength until the early morning hours of Monday, when it is expected to dissipate.
*** END OF UPDATE *** Hangover Gustaf came into existence in the early morning hours of Saturday, gathering strength until about 5 AM when it was classified as a Category 3 Hangover.
Gustaf caused severe damage to the monitoring systems of the National Hangover Center, and was not reliably tracked until the time of this bulletin.
Currently, Gustaf is classified as a Category 4 Hangover, and is expected to start diminishing about 4 PM this afternoon.
Welcome to the Nassau West National Hangover Center! The National Hangover Center was recently established by the Nassau West Department of Health and Human Services to monitor hangovers.
Prior to the existence of the National Hangover Center, all hangovers were tracked by the Nassau West Fire Department. As hangovers began to steadily increase both in number and in strength, the NW Fire Department became overwhelmed and unable to perform their "normal" duties in addition to incidents involving hangovers.
The NW Fire Department had a classification system to describe the severity of the hangover that ranged from One-Alarm to Seven-Alarms, with the Seven-Alarm Hangover being the most severe and involving imminent fear of death.
The National Hangover Center, by contrast, uses a Category system, not unlike the US National Hurricane Center in Miami, FL. This scale ranges from Category 1, the weakest monitored hangover, to Category 5, which like the Seven-Alarm Hangover, involves the imminent fear of death.
To date, there have been three recorded Seven-Alarm Hangovers. There have been at least seven times that many hangovers of that severity (Category 5) since the National Hangover Center began monitoring hangovers in September of 2005. A rather disturbing trend, eh?
Hangover "Cat" Category 1 - A relatively minor hangover. Usually the effects of a Category 1 hangover can be easily calmed with a couple of aspirin and some rest.
Category 2 - A minor to moderate hangover. The effects of a Category 2 hangover can be rather uncomfortable, but can be treated with aspirin, food, water, and plenty of sleep.
Category 3 - A moderate to severe hangover. A Category 3 hangover frequently involves several bodily systems malfunctioning. A Category 3 hangover requires liberal use of water and sleep.
Category 4 - A major hangover. Frequently, the effects of a Category 4 hangover can be quite devastating. Usually a Category 4 hangover involves a lot of bathroom time during recovery, which can take up to two days.
Category 5 - A catastrophic hangover. The most powerful hangover known to man is the Category 5, which is only designated in cases of imminent fear of death. In these special situations, professional medical assistance is highly recommended.
Alfredo
Britney
Clarence
Dori
Edward
Faith
Gustaf
Heather
Ivan
Jillian
Kenji
Lacy
Maxwell
Nellie
Otis
Polly
Quentin
Rebekah
Seth
Tori
Ulysses
Valerie
Wayland
Xena
Yoshi
Zoe
Last Updated: 2042/18
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